As a marriage or couples counsellor a common problem one sees is about the Free Child in relationships. In terms of the perceived quality of a relationship or a relationship that is wanted by both parties then these types of transactions must occur at least some of the time.
To understand such a diagram just think of a relationship which you like and enjoy and have a desire to be involved in. It is highly likely you have just identified a relationship in your life that has a significant amount of Free Child transactions between you and the other party.
In the honeymoon stage of a relationship these types of transactions occur quite often. Of course a solid relationship involves much more than just FC to FC transactions but my point here is that if a relationship does not have such communication then it will tend to fall on hard times. If there is very little then the ‘end is nigh’ often.
As a marriage counsellor one often sees couples who present with this type of communication problem, few FC transactions. This often occurs because the Free Child of both parties have ‘left the building’ as they say. The sensitive part of the personality has retreated into hiding for some reason.
Elvis leaving the building
In particular there are two common scenarios where this happens and presents a very real and difficult situation for the couple. This is often presented in marriage counselling and guess what they both involve sex and drugs! Why you may ask, because both sex and drugs often involve a degree of Free Child if not lots of Free Child.
Sex
Level of libido of a couple. If the couple have these combinations then sex is not going to be so much of a problem or at least it is a very good start for the couple not having difficulties in their sexual relationship. Both parties are either:
Low & low
Medium & medium
High & high
If they are either
Low & medium
Medium & high
then there is the potential for some degree of problem. If they are
Low & high
then there is a very real possibility of difficulties.
Why is this so? Because the Free Child is going to be affected. If the male has a high libido and the female has a low libido (which is usually the combination) then they have a significant problem that could contribute to destroying the relationship.
He is going to be asking for sexual contact often (or at least feel the desire to ask often). She is going to want much less. If she says yes when she wants to say no, it wont be long before her FC starts to retreat into the distance. She is having intimate physical sexual contact when she does not want it and the FC is not going to tolerate that for very long at all.
If she says no when she wants to say no (which will be often due to the different levels of libido) then one problem is solved but another is created. Her FC will feel satisfied but his wont be. His FC will feel ‘ripped off’ in some way. If this is occasional it does not matter all that much. But if it is happening most days what will happen after 5, 10 or 15 years? His FC is going to have disappeared in a similar fashion long ago.
A very real and difficult problem for a couple.
Cooperation in the relational
Alcohol and drugs
The most common scenario is the male likes a drink or a smoke and the wife finds him unpleasant or repugnant when he is intoxicated. The wife may say things like:
“He is embarrassing when he has been drinking”
“He snores loudly when he has been drinking”
“It is bad for the kids to see him like that”
“He may drive while intoxicated”
and so forth
So she asks, demands, threatens that he does not drink or use drugs (or significantly reduces the use). If he obliges and stops then her FC needs are met but this creates another problem. His FC will feel ‘ripped off’ in some way. If he continues to drink then his FC needs are meet but her FC will retreat into the distance.
After this occurring for 10 years what is likely to happen? Either one or both FC ego states have disappeared out of the relationship and probably do not even want to come back.
A very real and difficult problem for a couple.
In both these instances there are no winners. No matter which solution you take both parties loose in the long run.
It is best if the couple do not allow it to become such a large issue in the relationship. That’s easy for a bystander to say when not directly involved in it. Also most couples do not realise it is becoming a big issue until it gets there. And as I have said before most couples actually get into couples counselling 6 to 12 months late when the small issues have evolved into the very communication style of the couple. It is best to get to the problem when it is still relationship dystonic not when it has evolved into a relationship syntonic problem.
Graffiti
Friday, July 1, 2011
Free Child communication in relationships
Posted by
dona
at
9:30 PM
Labels: couples counselling, free child, relationships
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Popular Posts
-
A part from an interview I did on the book Interview on the book - Working with suicidal individuals. Question - Does your own suicide exper...
-
There are eight main psychological struggles that children and teenagers need to resolve before they become psychologically complete as an a...
-
Been working with a guy for the past 6 weeks. He is a non-talker. I never know which is worse, the client who has verbal diarrhoea where you...
-
How to make graffiti alphabet with Photoshop Text Effects? The following is a tutorial on how to create graffiti with Adobe Photoshop: 1. ...
-
I had a good one the other day. It’s good for the therapist when this sort of thing happens. Goal setting or contracting for change in psych...
-
Graffiti Fonts: Russian Alphabet Translation. Russian Alphabet Converter. See Russian letters above and below. Very different from the lette...
-
I have talked before about certain treatment strategies that I do with things like panic attacks and eating disorders. If a person present...
-
I was talking with someone the other day about therapy and contracts and an interesting notion came up about contracts and promises. All t...
-
Approximately 30% of people who complete a suicide leave a note of some kind. They can provide valuable insight into the psychology of the p...
Archives
Labels
- 2011 Graffiti Alphabet (1)
- 3 Graffiti Letters ABC (1)
- 3 New Style Graffiti (1)
- 33rd Graffiti Shop (1)
- 3D Graffiti (12)
- 3D Graffiti Alphabet (3)
- 3D Graffiti Art (2)
- 3d graffiti creator (1)
- 3D Graffiti Letter (1)
- 3D Illusion Graffiti (2)
- 3D street art graffiti (2)
- 5 Graffiti Creator (1)
- A-Z Alphabet (1)
- A-Z Alphabet Street (1)
- AA (1)
- abandonment (3)
- ABC Graffiti (4)
- ABC Graffiti Alphabet (1)
- ABC Graffiti Letters (2)
- ABC Latters (1)
- Abecedario de Grafiti (1)
- Abecedario Espanol Ingles (1)
- Abecedario Gotico (1)
- Abecedarios 3D (1)
- Abecedarios 3D Graffitis (1)
- Abstract Graffiti (2)
- Abstract graffiti art (1)
- Abstract graffiti design (1)
- abuse (1)
- acting out (1)
- adapted child ego state (2)
- adolescence (3)
- adolescent (1)
- Adult ego state (12)
- aggression (1)
- Airbrush Graffiti (1)
- alcohol (1)
- Alfabet Graffiti (1)
- ALFABETO ABECEDÁRIO (1)
- Alfabeto De Graffiti (1)
- Alfabeto de Letras de Graffiti (1)
- Alfabeto Graffiti (2)
- Alfabetos Cairo (1)
- Alphabet (1)
- Alphabet Gothic (1)
- Alphabet Graffiti (4)
- Alphabet Graffiti On Boxcar (1)
- Alphabet in Bubble Graffiti Letters (2)
- Alphabet in Bubble Letters (1)
- Alphabet Letters Black White (1)
- Amazing Graffiti (1)
- amy winehouse (1)
- anger (13)
- anorexia (4)
- anorexic (1)
- Anti Graffiti Coatings (1)
- antiscript (1)
- anxiety (6)
- ART OF Graffiti (1)
- assault (1)
- attachment (5)
- AZ Graffiti (1)
- B in Graffiti Letters (1)
- Banksy Graffiti (6)
- Banksy Graffiti Art Flower (1)
- Banksy Graffiti Change (1)
- Banksy Graffiti Images (1)
- Be Perfect (1)
- ben cousins (2)
- Bereavement neurosis (1)
- bioenergetics (1)
- bitch (1)
- Blackbook Graffiti (1)
- Blue Graffiti Alphabets (1)
- blushing (1)
- Body script (1)
- Boingo Graffiti (1)
- bubble alphabet (1)
- Bubble Graffiti (1)
- Bubble graffiti alphabet (1)
- Bubble Letters Graffiti (1)
- Bubble Style Graffiti (1)
- Bubble Writing Alphabet A-Z (1)
- bulimia (3)
- bully (2)
- cannabis (3)
- car accident (1)
- Car Graffiti (1)
- Carl Rogers (3)
- Cartoon graffiti canvas (1)
- Cartoon Letters (1)
- Castle Graffiti (1)
- change (1)
- character (1)
- Chicago Gang Graffiti (1)
- child (1)
- child development (20)
- child ego state (30)
- childhood (2)
- Childhood fantasy (6)
- children (6)
- Christmas Card Design (1)
- cigarettes (1)
- clients and trust (3)
- Co Counselling (1)
- conflict (1)
- conforming child (2)
- contextual diagnosis (1)
- contract (3)
- contracts therapy (1)
- Cool Alphabet (1)
- Cool Blue Graffiti Alphabet (1)
- Cool Graffiti Fonts (2)
- Cool graffiti letters (2)
- Cool Graffiti Style (6)
- Cool Letter Designs (1)
- copy cat suicide (5)
- counseling (1)
- counselling (37)
- couples counselling (4)
- Create graffiti (1)
- Create Graffiti Alphabet (1)
- Creative Graffiti (1)
- Critical parent (2)
- Cursive Alphabet (1)
- cutters (1)
- cutting (1)
- cyber bully (1)
- Daim Graffiti (2)
- daydream (3)
- death (2)
- death ritual (1)
- decision (1)
- defence mechanism (2)
- delusion (1)
- Dependent personality (1)
- depersonalization (2)
- depression (5)
- derealization (1)
- Desensitization (1)
- despair (1)
- diagnosis (1)
- Different Types Of Alphabet Letters (2)
- discipline (2)
- disjointed (1)
- dissociation (3)
- Dragon God Graffiti (1)
- Dragon Graffiti (1)
- Draw Graffiti (3)
- Draw Graffiti Alphabet (2)
- Draw Graffiti On Paper (1)
- Drawing Graffiti Sketch (1)
- drug addict (8)
- drug counselling (7)
- Drug use (15)
- drugs (2)
- early decision (3)
- eating (3)
- ego state (6)
- ego states (22)
- emeshed (2)
- emeshment (1)
- Emotional literacy (1)
- emotions (2)
- empathy (1)
- Encropesis (1)
- engulfment (1)
- envy (1)
- Epic Graffiti (1)
- epiphany (1)
- erectile dysfunction (1)
- EROS AND THANATOS (1)
- Erotic transference (3)
- eyes (1)
- Family (1)
- family system (1)
- Fancy Letters (1)
- feelings (5)
- fight (1)
- flight (1)
- Font Graffiti 2012 (2)
- Fonts Fancy (1)
- forgiveness (1)
- free child (18)
- Free Graffiti Fonts (1)
- Freehand Graffiti (1)
- friendship (1)
- Fuentes de la pintada (1)
- funeral (1)
- Funny Graffiti (3)
- Gambling addiction (1)
- games (1)
- Gang Graffiti (4)
- gender (1)
- genius and creativity (1)
- Ghttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifraffiti Style (1)
- goodbye work (1)
- gossip (1)
- Gothic graffiti letters (2)
- Graffihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifti style alphabets (1)
- graffit alphabet (1)
- Graffithttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifi alphabet letters (1)
- Graffiti (2)
- Graffiti 2012 (1)
- Graffiti ABC (2)
- graffiti airbrush (1)
- Graffiti airplane (1)
- Graffiti Alfabeto (9)
- Graffiti alphabet (63)
- Graffiti Alphabet 5 Colors (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet A to Z (3)
- graffiti alphabet a-z (10)
- graffiti alphabet B (4)
- Graffiti Alphabet Book (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Bubble (2)
- Graffiti Alphabet Coloring (1)
- graffiti alphabet fonts (2)
- Graffiti Alphabet Gradient (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet J (1)
- Graffiti alphabet K (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet L (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet L and M (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Lettering (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Letters (97)
- Graffiti Alphabet Letters A (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Letters A Through Z (2)
- graffiti alphabet letters A-Z (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Milk (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Paper (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Printables (1)
- graffiti alphabet printouts (3)
- Graffiti Alphabet Sets (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet T-Shirts (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet Taggings (1)
- Graffiti Alphabet WOLER (1)
- Graffiti Alphabets (22)
- Graffiti Alphabets On Hand (1)
- Graffiti Alphabets Pink (1)
- Graffiti and Experimental (1)
- Graffiti Archaeology (1)
- Graffiti Arrows (1)
- Graffiti Art (23)
- Graffiti Art Alphabet (1)
- Graffiti Art Creator (1)
- Graffiti Art Mural (2)
- Graffiti art murals flower (1)
- Graffiti Art Not Colored (1)
- Graffiti Art Wall (3)
- Graffiti artist (1)
- Graffiti Backgrounds (1)
- graffiti bhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.giflack and white (1)
- Graffiti Billboards (1)
- graffiti black and white (1)
- Graffiti Blackbook (8)
- Graffiti Blackbook Sketches (1)
- Graffiti Blitz (1)
- Graffiti Bock (1)
- Graffiti bubble (5)
- Graffiti Bubble Letters (2)
- graffiti calligraphy (1)
- Graffiti Cans (3)
- Graffiti Canvas (5)
- Graffiti canvases (1)
- Graffiti Cartoon Characters (5)
- Graffiti cartoons (1)
- Graffiti Characters (12)
- Graffiti Christmas (1)
- Graffiti Controversy (1)
- graffiti cool (5)
- Graffiti Cool Names (1)
- Graffiti Cope (1)
- Graffiti creator (8)
- Graffiti Creator Murals (1)
- Graffiti Designs Pictures (1)
- Graffiti Desktop Wallpaper. Graffiti Wallpaper (1)
- graffiti digital (1)
- Graffiti Drawing Tips (1)
- Graffiti Drawings on Paper (2)
- Graffiti Drum (1)
- Graffiti Elite (1)
- Graffiti faces (1)
- Graffiti Fire (1)
- Graffiti Flashing (1)
- Graffiti Flowers (1)
- Graffiti Font (1)
- Graffiti Fonts (41)
- Graffiti Fonts A (1)
- Graffiti Fonts Alphabet (1)
- Graffiti Fonts Curly (1)
- Graffiti Fonts Political Graft (1)
- Graffiti Fonts Writers (1)
- Graffiti freight trains (3)
- Graffiti Funny (1)
- Graffiti Generator (1)
- Graffiti Generators (1)
- GRAFFITI Graphics (7)
- Graffiti Halloween (2)
- Graffiti Handstyles (1)
- Graffiti Handwriting (1)
- Graffiti Happy B'Day (1)
- graffiti hip hop (1)
- graffiti in the hat (2)
- Graffiti Is Art (1)
- Graffiti Juan Benet (1)
- Graffiti Leters (1)
- graffiti letter (1)
- Graffiti Letter A (2)
- Graffiti Letter B (3)
- Graffiti Letter J (1)
- Graffiti Letter K (1)
- Graffiti Letter P (1)
- Graffiti Letter Styles (1)
- Graffiti Letters (13)
- Graffiti Letters ABC (1)
- Graffiti Letters Blue (1)
- Graffiti Letters Boingo (1)
- Graffiti Letters Bukue (1)
- Graffiti Letters K (1)
- Graffiti Letters Milk (1)
- Graffiti letters Z (1)
- Graffiti Letters Zeck (1)
- Graffiti logo creator (1)
- Graffiti logo HRC (1)
- Graffiti Logos (2)
- Graffiti Lorgo (1)
- Graffiti Love (3)
- Graffiti Mural (1)
- Graffiti Murals (7)
- Graffiti Muras (1)
- Graffiti Name (1)
- Graffiti Name Maker (1)
- graffiti names (5)
- Graffiti Names A-Z (1)
- Graffiti NY (1)
- Graffiti Ohio (1)
- Graffiti on Glass (1)
- Graffiti On http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifPaper (1)
- Graffiti On Paper (5)
- Graffiti on the beach (1)
- graffiti on trains (3)
- Graffiti Photography (1)
- graffiti photoshop (1)
- Graffiti Pictures (1)
- Graffiti Piece (1)
- Graffiti Printable (1)
- Graffiti Quake (1)
- Graffiti Removal (1)
- Graffiti San Francisco (1)
- Graffiti Skateboard (1)
- Graffiti Sketch (15)
- Graffiti Sketch 3D (1)
- Graffiti Sketch P (1)
- Graffiti Sketch Pen (1)
- Graffiti Sketchbook (1)
- Graffiti sketches (50)
- Graffiti Sketching (1)
- Graffiti Skull (3)
- Graffiti Slank (1)
- Graffiti Spray Cans (1)
- Graffiti Stack (2)
- Graffiti Stencils (2)
- Graffiti Stickers (2)
- Graffiti Street Art (70)
- Graffiti Style (6)
- Graffiti Style Black And White (1)
- Graffiti T-shirts (2)
- graffiti tag (2)
- Graffiti Tag Name (1)
- Graffiti Tag Styles (4)
- Graffiti Tagging Alphabet (2)
- Graffiti Tags (3)
- Graffiti Tags Alphabet (1)
- Graffiti Text (1)
- Graffiti Text Generator (1)
- Graffiti Theme Music (1)
- Graffiti Tips (1)
- Graffiti Train (3)
- Graffiti Train WOLER (1)
- Graffiti Trains (13)
- Graffiti Trains Kaser (1)
- Graffiti tribal (1)
- Graffiti Truly Design (1)
- graffiti tutorial (1)
- Graffiti Wall (3)
- Graffiti Wildstyle (2)
- Graffiti Writers (1)
- Graffiti Writing (2)
- Graffiti Writing A-Z (1)
- Graffiti Yamaha R1 (1)
- Graffti Illusion (11)
- Grahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifffiti Street Art (1)
- Graphic Graffiti (1)
- grief (1)
- group therapy (6)
- guilt (1)
- habit (2)
- happy (1)
- here and now (1)
- here and now. life script (5)
- heroin (2)
- homeless (1)
- homosexuality (1)
- Honda Graffiti (1)
- How to Create graffiti (2)
- How to Draw a Graffiti K (1)
- How To Draw Graffiti (4)
- How to Draw the Graffiti Alphabet Letters (1)
- how to make graffiti (1)
- How to Tag Graffiti Alphabet Letters (1)
- How to Write Bubble Letters (1)
- How To Write Graffiti (2)
- How to write my name in graffiti (1)
- human communication (2)
- human development (1)
- hurried child (1)
- hypnosis (1)
- Hypnotic suggestion (4)
- hysteric (1)
- idealization (1)
- illusion graffiti alphabet (1)
- Illusionist Graffiti Alphabet (1)
- im OK (1)
- Imagination and two chair (1)
- impasse (1)
- indecision (1)
- independence (1)
- individualism (1)
- Individuation (2)
- insomnia (1)
- introjection (2)
- Japanese Graffiti (1)
- Jealousy (1)
- Korean Alphabet Graffiti (1)
- Latin Kings Graffiti (2)
- Latina Graffiti (1)
- Learn Graffiti (1)
- Letra De Graffiti (1)
- Letra de graffiti alfabeto (1)
- Letter B (1)
- Letter Fonts (1)
- Lettering Fonts (1)
- Lettering Styles (1)
- Letters (1)
- Letters L (1)
- libido (1)
- life position (1)
- Life positions (1)
- life script (9)
- Light Graffiti (1)
- lilith (1)
- loss (1)
- loss of control (1)
- love (3)
- Love and marriage (1)
- Madness (1)
- magical thinking (1)
- Make your own graffiti (1)
- making graffiti (2)
- Male mid life crisis (1)
- marijuana (3)
- Marriage (2)
- masturbation (1)
- mental health (1)
- Mexico Graffiti (1)
- mid life crisis (2)
- modeling (1)
- Mona Lisa graffiti (1)
- MR Wiggles Graffiti Alphabet (1)
- munchausen syndrome (1)
- Murales del Creador (1)
- murder (1)
- mute (1)
- My Name in Graffiti (1)
- narcissism (1)
- Negative transference (2)
- Negative transference and real feelings (1)
- neglect (1)
- neurosis (1)
- New graffiti (3)
- New Graffiti Alphabet (2)
- No Graffiti Logo (1)
- obsessive compulsive (2)
- OCD (1)
- Old Lettering A-Z (1)
- oral stage (1)
- over protection (1)
- Palestinian graffiti alphabet (1)
- panic (2)
- panic attack (2)
- paranoid (1)
- parent contract (2)
- parent ego state (8)
- parenting (5)
- peace (1)
- perfectionism (1)
- personality (1)
- personality types (4)
- Personality types and disorders (1)
- phallus (1)
- Piaget (1)
- Pink Graffiti (1)
- Pink graffiti alphabet Z (1)
- play therapy (1)
- Political Graffiti (1)
- pornography (1)
- positive transference (1)
- power (1)
- pre-verbal (1)
- Printable Alphabet (1)
- Printable Graffiti Alphabet (1)
- Printablehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif Letters Car (1)
- procrastination (2)
- Projection (4)
- Promiscuity (1)
- promise (1)
- psychoanatomy (1)
- Psychological polarities (1)
- psychology (4)
- psychology of revenge (1)
- psychosis (1)
- psychosomatic (1)
- psychotherapy (3)
- ptsd (1)
- racket (1)
- rebellious child (1)
- rebirth (1)
- Red graffiti alphabet (1)
- Red Graffiti Sketches (1)
- redecision (1)
- regression (4)
- relational (1)
- relationships (6)
- repetition compulsion (1)
- Resilience (1)
- Romanian Graffiti (1)
- Russian Alphabet (1)
- Russian Alphabet Letters (1)
- scare (1)
- schizoid (1)
- script currency (1)
- self esteem (1)
- Self grooming (1)
- self harm (8)
- self hatred (1)
- separation from parents (3)
- serbian (1)
- serial monogamy (1)
- sexual dysfunction (1)
- Sexual repression (2)
- shame (4)
- Skam graffiti (1)
- Sketch graffiti (1)
- Sketching Alphabet (1)
- Skype counselling (1)
- sleep walking (1)
- sleep. love (1)
- small talk (1)
- smoking (1)
- social isolation (1)
- social phobia (1)
- socialization (1)
- soothing (1)
- Stencils Letters (1)
- Street art artists (1)
- stress (1)
- strokes (1)
- style graffiti (2)
- Sublime logo graffiti (1)
- suggestible (1)
- suicide (17)
- suicide pact (3)
- suicide risk (4)
- Surfboard designs graffiti (3)
- Surfboard Designs Graffiti (1)
- Tag Graffiti Alphabet (4)
- Tag Graffiti Fonts (1)
- Tagging Letters (1)
- Tagging Letters A Z (1)
- Tagging Letters A-Z (1)
- Tags Graffiti Art (1)
- teenage suicide (3)
- teenager (6)
- temper tantrum (3)
- The best graffiti (1)
- The Letter L in Graffiti (1)
- The Seventh Letter (1)
- therapeutic communication (1)
- Therapists (1)
- therapy (22)
- thinking (1)
- Tiger (1)
- Tips and Advice on How To Make Graffiti (1)
- Tips and Warnings How Tag Graffiti (1)
- toilet training (1)
- torture (1)
- transactional analysis (14)
- Transactional Analysis sentence completion test (3)
- transference (4)
- Transference cure and introjection (1)
- trauma debriefing (2)
- treatment plan (1)
- Tribal Font Alphabets (1)
- Tutorial Graffiti (1)
- Two ego state model Parent (1)
- unconscious (1)
- Unique graffiti (1)
- Uppercase and lowercase letters (1)
- urban graffiti (1)
- vaginismus (1)
- victim (2)
- Wall Murals (1)
- war (1)
- Wildstyle Graffiti (1)
- Wildstyle graffiti alphabet (1)
- Wildstyle graffiti letters (1)
- World Cup 2010 (1)
- Write Graffiti Blackbook (1)
- Write My Name In Graffiti (20)
- writing (1)
- Writing Graffiti (1)
- Z Graffiti Pink (1)
0 comments:
Post a Comment